Mama didn’t want a wake

But I didn’t know until after the fact

Her funeral was beautiful

She would have loved

The music

I was unhappy with the wake

Well obviously

But I didn’t like how it was done

I don’t think she would have liked it either;

I hope she forgives me.

If it wasn’t for her I’d be dead or homeless

Especially now.

Mama forgive me for being so weak

and selfish

You were and remain my heart.

Mama didn’t go to my father’s wake

Or his funeral

But she was there for him in the end.

I didn’t understand her pain until now

I wish I could take back the mean things that I said to her.

I didn’t inherit her kindness

But I did get her love.

When I started to lose her I was desperate to retrace my steps;

Get back to her side,

She told me it wouldn’t be the end.

There was no remedy

No one could help

It was already too late

I miss her so.

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Can I bring you back

Or one or the other

I want to let you

Rest In Peace

But I’m in turmoil.

Selfish, I’m sorry.

I felt the bird you sent

Flying over my back

You’re with me still.

I push back the tide of memories

I don’t know what to make of them

They make me cry

I’m all mixed up

Artwork and sunsets of the West

Melodies sung together

I have your voice

You sung to me for the last time

In the park and I cried.

I knew you must have known.

I was woefully unequipped

You said that it would not be the end…

Forgive me for all that you know now.

Happy times God gave us

I’m at a loss for how to proceed

I think you’re sending birds to fly close to me

Like the one that blew by and grazed my back

This shedding dog has outlived you all,

I can’t believe you both took your leave of this world.

Please look after me.

Please still cover a fault

Let me bring love to others

Let me have peace in my heart.

I’m still lifting my voice in praise

I sing songs of worship at church

I love to sing. You gave me that.

Please intercede for me and ask God to lead me in the right direction

And I’m sorry when I’m not pleasing to Him.

I can’t garden like you but I was so happy we planted those tulips together.

You were my guiding star.

Please come to see me and reassure me that I’m not alone.

I’ll be spending Sunday with your sister, the woman you chose to be my godmother.

I’d much prefer to be with you.

Please forgive me for going astray. I miss the sound of your voice on the phone.

I miss your friendship. I miss telling you my everyday and confiding in you.

I miss praying the Rosary with you.

Please intercede for me and allow God to make my paths straight

Ask God to bring the right people in my life to make this journey easier, and thank Him for all that He’s done already.

I love you forever.

When I think of Mary

Blessed Mother of Jesus

I hope she remembers my

Devotions

Even when I needed coaching

When meditating on the Mysteries

Of the Sacred Rosary

Of the Blessed Virgin Mary

May we imitate what they contain

And obtain what they promise

Through the same Christ our Lord

All these things like Mary

I keep locked in my heart

My mother’s cornflower blue eyes

Awake and aware in her last hours

No one can absorb my grief

But Mary gives solace to my heart

May she cool the fevered brow of my mother

Thank You Lord for the look of love we exchanged in the last days

And the words of love

My remaining relatives are tough

No soft place to fall anymore.

There is little tenderness around

The tenderness is stored up in my heart and soul

I don’t know what to do with this love stored in my heart

Mother Mary please help me put it to good use

I have dishes and cards and music and photo albums

And memories

Please move me forward to a place where it’s safe to look back.

I’m Pat’s and Bernadette’s daughter

and they are with me still.

I’m on my own now but I was once loved and cherished

Their love sustains me now.

Mary all these things I keep in my heart.

When I speak of my Lord Jesus

I know He keeps me.

I know He carries me.

I know that He loves me

Despite my poor behavior

and doubts and selfishness.

He keeps me from drowning.

When all else is gone

And I despair and mourn,

I reach out through the veil

and touch the hem of His garment.

Shepherd me, oh Lord

Beyond my wants,

Beyond my fears –

From death into life.

There should have been

Hermetically sealed

Hearts. Indulge me

a moment

This thou sayest

This thou knowest

We speak kindly

Of personal redemption

Anger became smiles

A place of chaos

Into calm

The Lord provides for me

In every way,

I see not His hand.

Blessed am I

This world is passing

So much has past

The love endures

His mercy endures

A hollow octave

Of wretched bitterness

exists on the periphery

of sound. You blinked

Too soon. This world is passing.

To glare and to charm

The fight arises

You are mourning, he said.

I wear the cloak of sadness

You remember the sweetness.

Break bread

Break sound

Head west

Look round

In hours

You live

You take

You give

You make

You run

You hide

You confront

You deny

Words spill

Like acid

Rain on

Rich earth

Sand grains

Much worth

Audio set

Sweet grape

Medicine spoon

Summer moon.

Ear tubes

You lose

Sound yet

Vibrations abound

Button taps

Tones tune

Pitch switch

Cotton vaseline

Ear canals

Bathing cap

Underwater, no –

Tell them

They know

Intricate tubes

Three years

Wavelengths hear

See them

Green and red

Speakers vibrate

Pin drops

Deep water

Surface memories

Don’t splash

Mad dash

Dry towel.

Senses restored

Once more

Wavelength level

Bass and treble

Green lights

Red lights

Wavelengths shatter

Which pitch

Code switch

Balanced levels

From broken sound.